I Am Yours
by Wyndlocke
Summary: The Reapers are destroyed. But at what cost? And more importantly, what's next? Romance/Drama love triangle with sci-fi horror and action.
1. Lazarus

I can hear them. Whispers in the dark are clouding my thoughts, and haunting my every waking moment. With every breath I take, so too they draw life and strength. My sleep is restless. Black as ink, I dive night after night into a depthless void that swallows me whole. I'm scared. My wife says they're just dreams. I haven't told her about the whispers. I'm just so scared…

Blood in the water; the whispers call to me even when I'm with my wife. She told me it's stress. The war has everyone on edge, she said. She said they weren't real, even when I insisted I could hear them even then. She doesn't understand it's maddening! Something is happening. I need…

I went looking for the voices. What speaks, must breathe, and thus can't be a dream. My wife tried to stop me. She claimed I was being irrational. But she's the one who can't hear them, not me! She said I was scaring her. I told her to listen to the voices. They helped me when I was scared.

Gone! They're all gone! The pain, the horror of it all came crashing down in the middle of the night. I knew. They were gone… dancing shadows and muffled screams said so. I screamed. The agony, the anger… My wife told me to put the knife down, said that I was out of control. I buried the blade deep in her heart. I knew she couldn't hear them. Even when she said she did. She lied. She lied she lied she lied she lied she lied.

 _"_ _We have no beginning. We have no end. We are infinite. Millions of years after your civilization has been eradicated and forgotten, we will endure."_

I dreamed again! And they came! This time they came! I'd been so lonely… My wife hasn't said a word since.

 _"_ _You have only delayed the inevitable. We do not die."_

But even a dead God could still dream.

 _"_ _We are the Harbinger of your destiny."_

Release me from my burdens, Glorious Ones!

 _"_ _There is no war. There is only the Harvest."_

Cleanse me of this foul wretched existence! Free me of shameful weakness such as doubt! Help me, help me speak the words of your gospel! Tell me how to serve!

They came to me in my sleep again, answering my prayer…

The Cycle must continue.

* * *

The rain sizzled as it fell on still burning embers; the final remnants of the battle. The city lay in ruins. Amongst the rubble were the fallen; human, alien, and some horrific amalgamations of both. The calm pitter-patter of rain picked up, swallowing the world in a cloud of steam. The stench of smoldering corpses and melt metal overpowered the smell of dust in the rain. The mix was nauseating.

Still, the only living creature for miles stood tall and made sure the air filters of her hooded helm were off. While the mounting haze clouded her vision and the funk made her eyes water, she did not adjust her helmet's settings. He had once told her that nothing was more soothing than the smell of rain back on Earth. It reminded him of calmer days, better days. She was afraid she would never be able to disassociate the smell with the destruction she saw today.

Despite the growing deluge, her suit kept her dry. Though she took care not to slip, or take a misstep. It was finally over. The battle for Earth, for the whole galaxy, had drawn to a sudden, violent end. But she survived it. She'd be damned if a wet rock would be the end of her. Shepard would never let her live it down.

Her eyes scanned the battered remains of the Citadel that had crashed in London. She suspected the city must have been beautiful once. Just as the former seat of galactic power crushed the city, so did the knowledge that Shepard had been aboard when it fell. With a heavy heart, she took a step into the crash site. It had been a couple of hours, and despite the search and rescue efforts… there wasn't much to recover. Scanning the horizon, taking in all the damage, she couldn't help but think of Rannoch.

"Did the war with the Geth look like this?" she asked, surprised at the raspy quality her voice had adopted.

She felt something give under the pressure of her foot. Looking down, she saw the shattered remnants of an Alliance helmet. Her eyes blinked, and before she knew it she held the obliterated piece of equipment in her hands. It looked like Shepard's. Then again, all helms did really. Tali continued to examine the piece of equipment for a while longer, and flinched when she recognised a burnt out N7 logo on it.

"Keelah…"

It couldn't teams had combed the area as thoroughly as they could. She popped open her communicator.

"Shepard…" Her voice was barely a whisper, daring but not to hope. She strained her ears hard for any response on the channel they used for missions. Her heart thumping in her chest, blood rushing in her ears, and the rain pelting down made it impossible to tell if there was a reply.

With a deep breath, Tali opened her omnitool scanning the helmet. Punching away, she was able to draw up a schematic of the piece, and soon enough the whole soon. She adapted her tool to scan for anything that resembled the armor and began slowly combing through the wreckage. The quarian knew the odds of her finding anything nearby were almost none. But she had hope, once again.

"Come on, Shepard…"

She approached what looked like one of the arms of the Citadel. Her scanner wasn't picking up anything. She didn't realise how much time had passed until visibility was none. The subtle setting of the sun allowed ample time for her eyes to adjust.

Suddenly, her scanner picked up on something. She added a vitals subroutine. There was a faint heartbeat. A sudden swelling arose in her chest, fading quickly as panic set in. The vitals were so weak…

She ran. Beneath a pillar, just barely poking out was Shepard's N7 shoulder pad. She turned on her helmet's lights to get a better look before turning on the voice channel directly to headquarters.

"This is Tali'Zorah vas Normandy, requesting immediate medical assistance," she turned back to the human before her. He was barely breathing, and burned almost beyond recognition. He seemed fairly visible to her now, and she clenched her teeth in anger. How the hell did the teams not find him? "Shepard, can you hear me?" She put a gentle hand on his exposed shoulder. No response.

"Tali, what's wrong?" It was Liara.

"Liara, I've found Shepard."

There was a pause, disbelief.

"Tali—"

"These are my coordinates. Hurry Liara, he's in really rough shape…"

The quarian immediately turned her attention back to her commander. His implants were visible, and it dawned on her it must be they must be the only thing that allowed him to survive this long. She examined the column Shepard was pinned under in disbelief. There was no way for her to safely remove him from the wreckage, not alone anyway.

It wasn't long before she saw the lights of spacecraft approaching.

"Hang in there, Shepard… just a little longer. Please."

* * *

"Nearly every bone in his body is shattered, the burns are extensive and infected… but his brain is still showing activity. Not much, mind you, being in a coma and all… It's a miracle he's even alive. But… Implants or no, his chances of making it… Well, you don't me to tell you the odds, really."

"Thank you, doctor," Liara spoke up. With a nod, the doctor left.

Shepard's team quit their posts immediately when they heard the news, rushing to the hospital that the Alliance had turned into their headquarters.

"You did good, kid," Wrex's booming voice broke the silence as he stomped over to Tali. "A good thing you're as hard headed as this pyjak." He motioned with his head over to Shepard's inert form.

Tali looked away, ashamed as the rest of the squad expressed a small word of gratitude as well. She looked over at Liara who was focused on the commander.

"I wasn't looking for him, not really…" she tried to explain.

Garrus cut in before anyone else could.

"It doesn't matter. You found him. And saved him. If you weren't out there…" his mandibles clicked in thought.

With a sorrowful sigh, she shook her head, chasing the thought away. He was alive, for now. And she knew Garrus was right. Despite the relief of having him back, his chances at recovery were slim. She was afraid that she merely reopened an already barely healing wound.

Most of the team went back to their duties after the first hour. Wrex, grumbling about the lack of space, took Grunt with him. Garrus left shortly after, followed by James and Joker. When Tali finally made her way to leave, Liara spoke up.

"Thank you, Tali. He's alive only because of you."

The asari didn't turn to face her friend when she spoke. But Tali didn't need her to, to know she was crying.

With a silent nod, she left the room.

 _Alive._

The word had never seemed so sad before.

* * *

 _"_ _Does this unit have a soul?"_

Tali's eyes snapped open. She straightened her back, tense and aware, before realising where she was and resting her head on the wall behind her. She put her hands on her knees and sighed, closing her eyes again. She was so tired, and haunted. The war was over, yet it felt like everything but.

She opened her eyes, settling her gaze on her left calf where she kept her knife. She had never needed it much. But the times she had used it had created memories more painful than any bruise, cut or infection.

 _I had to. It––_ He _was going to kill Shepard_ , she thought to herself angrily. Even her inner voice sounded half-hearted. Throughout all the horrors of the war, this was the one that stalked her dreams the most since Shepard's retrieval two weeks ago.

"Keelah…" she mumbled. "I'm so sorry, Legion…"

She sat with her head between her knees, failing to control her sobs as she went through every loss since the beginning of their campaign against the Reapers. She didn't fight her emotions this time. She swam in her own sorrow, digesting the sting of shame and self-loathing that came with the consequences of her actions. She reflected on how she could—should have done more. Had she been a better fighter, she could've accompanied Shepard during the assault on the beam. Though she didn't know what happened on the Citadel, she still felt a confusing sense of failure. She let her captain go into danger alone.

A knock at the door stirred her from her thoughts.

"Tali," Garrus said as the quarian emerged from her room.

"Garrus," she replied, her voice quivering from all her sobbing. "What can I do for you?" she continued softly trying to mask what she'd been doing.

"I'm fielding another patrol. Want to come?"

"No—" the words were barely past her lips when Garrus cut her off.

"Tali, listen. You can't stay here all the time. Shepard wouldn't want you to. Even Liara is doing her best coordinating what she can." He said sternly.

The quarian turned to stare down the long corridor to her right, feeling guilty.

"I know," the words came out as a whisper. "But I can't, Garrus. Not after seeing him like that." Her sentence was cut short as her throat squeezed tight with emotion. Garrus gave her an awkward hug that she returned in earnest.

As her cries subsided, Garrus spoke up again.

"I know it's hard, but out there, you can make a difference."

Tali was quiet for a while, but finally nodded into Garrus shoulder.

"Come on, let's go. I even got you a shotgun."

The comment earned him a dry chuckle and the quarian pulled out of his embrace.

"Okay, then," her smile evident in her words.

"Okay, then."

* * *

The stable beeping of the life support system was interrupted only by Shepard's respiratory aid. The few patches of his body left uncovered by bandages showed nothing but charred skin. It was a miracle they had been able to keep him alive this long with such limited supplies. Thanks to his implants, his body was slowly, but surely, repairing the damage, extensive though it was.

Tali sat by his side reading reports from the field and sorting through get-well messages on her datapad. She put it down before leaning closer to the protective bubble they'd placed Shepard in, courtesy of the Fleet, hoping it would help prevent further infections.

"Keelah, Shepard…" her voice broke a little. She placed her three fingered hand on the bubble weakly. _I need you…_ she bit back the words and rested her mask against the bubble.

"Tali…" the sound of her name made her jump slightly. She removed her hand and straightened before turning to face the owner of the voice, thankful her helmet hid her tears.

"Liara." She tried her best not to sound too emotional. The two women let the silence take control. Liara wasn't really sure if she should apologise, leave, or both.

"I'm glad someone's keeping him company," the asari finally said.

Tali nodded slightly. "I thought the same." Another strained pause. "I'll come back later," she managed finally. "Since you're here now."

Liara's face twisted into an expression as if she meant to object, but Tali dismissed it with a wave of her hand. "I was on my way out anyway." The blatant lie caused Liara to frown sadly, but she kept quiet. Tali walked briskly out of the room without sparing her a second glance.

Liara didn't blame her. Despite all his charm and intelligence, Shepard seemed rather oblivious of the loyalty and love he earned from his friends. He kept them at a distance. Liara only ever understood why much later. Shepard's life was far from easy, but he was hardly ever alone for any of it. Whatever he lost, he replaced. It kept him sane. It kept him alive.

But then there had been her, his Liara.

Somehow, she had broken through Shepard's defenses. Through the melding, through her own awkward charm, she would never know for sure. But something about her had changed Shepard irrevocably. They had never spoken about it, not really. But they were always there for each other, even when the mission came first, somehow, despite themselves, they always made room for each other. Or he did, at least.

Liara tried to convince herself not to give in. She had been the one to put an end to their budding relationship. Yet, somehow, Shepard always came back to mind. She couldn't chase the thought of him away. Her heart would beat faster every time she saw him. She knew why, and it had been killing her softly. She wasn't used to people that way. She had been fine with no one in her life up until she met Shepard. She wanted to believe she could still be that way. She wanted to believe that she could let Shepard go, as she had been taught she would have to. The other races, there was little comfort to be had in their arms her mother had told her. Shepard would leave her sooner rather than later, whether he intended to or not, and she thought he would understand the impossibility of it all like she did. But he didn't. He couldn't. Even when she was chasing the Shadow Broker, he didn't want to hear any of it.

 _"I love you, Liara T'Soni."_

"I… love you too."

She had almost been unable to get it out. And somewhere deep inside her, she wished she never did. She wished she had never met Shepard. Without him, she never would have felt so conflicted. And without him, she'd be dead. She never would have known the Reapers were coming. She never would have seen Thessia fall. She never would have had to kill her mother. She stopped herself as the first tears welled up.

She stared at her burnt lover. She didn't have time to be wallowing in self-pity. She smiled a little. He was, despite his condition, alive. And recovering. She knew how thin the supplies were being stretched, for his sake. Her relief, however, far outweighed her guilt. Except for when her thoughts would turn to Tali.

Liara pulled up the chair the quarian had been using.

"How much easier it could have been, if you had chosen her." The memories came flooding back, the near death experiences, the losses, the moments she had shared not just with Shepard…

"But I wouldn't have had it any other way."


	2. In the Dark

"Rama Paerai. An Alliance officer who was deemed unfit for duty, and was consequently honourably discharged after his services during the Geth wars. He avoided capture on Eden Prime and helped with the reconstruction of the colony. He volunteered for the mission led by Admiral Hackett to save the Citadel, but was not reinstated. He failed his psychological fortitude tests. At the time, he was deemed harmless, but after a more thorough psyche evaluation –encouraged by his wife, the victim– his medical case was opened and he was prescribed various drugs. Officially, he simply retired."

"And you think he did this?"

"There's more: his condition supposedly worsened after Commander Shepard's supposed death. When rumours began that he might be in fact alive and working for Cerberus, his wife noted a significant change in his behaviour. While nothing was ever proven, he was part of those under scrutiny for taking part in the Cerberus coup six months ago. His wife took it pretty hard, but backed him regardless."

"So potential ties to Cerberus and PTSD are grounds for voluntary manslaughter, now?"

"Who's to say his mental state didn't degrade further than his psyche evals claimed? What with the stress of the war, evacuating the home system ..."

"Where is he now?"

The lieutenant coughed uncomfortably, causing the senior ranking officer to stare at him with his piercing blue eyes.

"We don't have any information on his whereabouts. Apparently, he hasn't been sighted in over two weeks."

Sirus Evans took a deep breath and massaged his temples with one hand.

"Ain't no rest for the wicked…" he muttered before turning to face his lieutenant again. "Get the body prepped for transport. I want a full autopsy, and get me the MRI test results of our Mr. Paerai. Before and after he was deemed unfit for duty."

"Sir?"

"That's an order, Lieutenant."

With a sideways glance, his lieutenant saluted and headed out the door, leaving a pensive Sirus alone with the body. With a heavy sigh, Sirus seemed to deflate. His shoulders slacked, rolling them, and he fished gingerly in his pockets for his pack of cigarettes.

He was out.

"This day keeps getting better …" he groaned woefully.

He lowered himself to a knee to better examine the knife protruding from the victim's chest. He covered his scruffy face with his hand, both a gesture of weariness and to block the stench from the body. The murder wasn't recent.

Roughly two hours prior to his arrival on the scene, the temporary HQ was contacted about a foul odor coming from one of the refugee housing units. When security failed to arrive in what the plaintiffs felt was a reasonable delay, they took matters into their own hands. While they insisted nothing had been touched, the room was a mess. Scuffs and indentures in the wall indicated a struggle. Had it been one between Rama and his wife, surely someone would have heard something … They had no such luck when they interrogated the neighbours.

There was the possibility of a third party. Rama's wife had been dead for too long for the intruders not to have known, or noticed. Did it scare them away? Or were they accomplices? Again, the neighbours, regardless of the hour, would surely have noticed something. Sirus sighed.

Whether this third party was involved with the murder, or mere looters, remained worrisome. But it was beyond his mission parameters. This was someone else's problem. He hoped.

Sirus' focus shifted to the woman before him. There was no bruising along her arms, or any blood smears on her clothes. Whoever killed her, had taken the time to clean her up, and change her. Yet more evidence that pointed in her husband's direction. Perhaps a sudden violent outburst, followed by immediate guilt due to his unstable mental state … There would be no way to know until they found him. His disappearance and its implications complicated things.

With another sigh, Sirus rose, scratching the back on his shaven head. He walked over the entrance to the unit, poking his head out of the doorway. He spoke to one of the officers standing guard outside the room.

"You wouldn't happen to have a smoke, would you?"

"No, sir. It's against Alliance regs."

"Right…" he mumbled, disheartened.

Sirus exited the room. He was no forensic expert. He simply happened to have a keen eye, and there was nothing more the crime scene could tell him. For now.

Heading back to his own quarters, Sirus mulled over what he had gathered. Difficult history with the Alliance, he'd seen it be enough justification for defectors before. Taking that into consideration, it wouldn't be impossible that Paerai did join Cerberus. But without his psyche dossier, he couldn't know how plausible such a theory was.

Presuming his and the Alliance's instincts were correct and that Paerai had Cerberus ties, it would be unwise to ignore the possibility of indoctrination. After all, many, if not all the survivors of the first Eden Prime incident became sleeper agents for the Reapers. And that was with minimum Reaper contact, with Sovereign.

While the Alliance kept a tight lip about it, they were definitely worried about how far this particular rabbit hole went. Not to mention they still had no idea how indoctrination actually worked. Was it a voluntary action by a Reaper? Shepard's mission files on recovering the Reaper IFF suggested otherwise, that the machines' influence could be exerted regardless of intent.

Sirus woke from his thoughts when his omnitool chimed in.

"Evans here."

"Mr. Evans. I have some information for you." The typical trope of an unknown informative failed to amuse him. "Cerberus isn't dead." The disembodied voice continued.

"Excuse me?" Sirus glanced around furtively before entering his apartment.

"Cerberus, or at least some bastard form of it is still operational. Your Mr. Paerai is in league with them. And, definitely, not for the right reasons."

"I fail to see what a defunct organization has to do with me, Ms…"

"Have it your way. Or, you could tell Admiral Hackett Miranda Lawson called."

Before Sirus could so much as open his mouth to reply, the line was lost.

"That changes things…" he mumbled, staring at the blank omnitool as it faded away.

Sirus quickly opened up the Commander's files on his computer, running a search through his mission files.

"Ms. Lawson," Sirus muttered to himself squinting at his computer screen. "It's time for us to be acquainted formally, I think." Sirus turned in his chair to stare at his communicator pad thoughtfully.

His face scrunched as he compiled the data he'd acquired. With a heavy sigh, he walked over and opened the line to Admiral Hackett.

"Mr. Evans, what can I do for you?" came the Admiral's robotic reply almost instantaneously.

"We've got a problem."

He couldn't see. It was black. He remembered having a dream, a nightmare; his wife was dead, a knife protruding from her chest. And his bloodied hands held the grip tightly. Her lifeless brown eyes locked in an expression of betrayal. He knew the pain he saw in them wasn't because of the knife. Those eyes would haunt him forever, because he knew he had done it. He knew it wasn't a nightmare.

His bottom lip quivered as he fought to hold back the tears. He didn't register that all his limbs had been restrained, and that his head had been firmly strapped down until he went to blink the tears away and couldn't. Something was holding his eyes open, too.

Panic suddenly came flooding in; a sudden feeling something terrible was closing in on him from the darkness. A voice spoke to him, but he couldn't recognise the language. It resembled the awful shriek of the damned. The sound assailed him over and over again, and seemed to grow more insistent, as if impatient by his lack of response.

"I… I don't understand," he finally uttered. And the sound was gone.

"Please, calm yourself, Mr. Paerai. All questions will be answered in due time."

"But… my wife, I killed her. Why did I kill her?" He didn't understand why he was telling this strange voice his thoughts.

"You said it yourself, my good man, she lied." The mysterious voice replied.

"Lied? Lied about what? Why would I kill her for that?"

"Don't you remember? The whispers, she said they weren't real."

The 30 year-old man's mouth hung agape for a few seconds as he felt his eyes drying.

"The- the whispers?" He breathed out feebly.

"Yes, you remember the whispers, don't you Mr. Paerai?"

"No, no, no, no, those are…"

Rana desperately tried to control his breathing as the memories came flooding back. All the séances with his psychologists, his fights with his wife, her murder… It was all coming back to him. His work for Cerberus, before and after the coup attempt, his work at Sanctuary before the Reaper attack, and finally on Earth… He realised with horror that he had had no memory of these last two years before now.

He began to struggle in his chair, against his restraints. "What did you do to me?" He shouted at them furiously.

"Do you want to meet Him? He'll help you understand. You were doing His work, Mr. Paerai. He is very pleased with you." The voice continued, unconcerned by his outburst.

"What did you do to me!" He continued as his voice grew hoarse from the effort.

Suddenly a needle came into his limited field of view, approaching ominously towards his eye.

"I'll kill you!" Rana frantically yelled, his controlled movements becoming increasingly panicked. "I swear to God! Please!"

The needle inserted into his tear duct and the scream that rose from his lungs was piercing; unadulterated terror and pain.

"It'll all be over soon, Mr. Paerai," the voice came again, "For blessed are those made Whole."

"Blessed are those made Whole."

The final statement echoed in the room, drowning out the screams entirely.

Admiral Hackett held a hand up, stopping Sirus' explanations.

"You don't need to convince me, Mr. Evans. That's why I'm tasking you with taking command of Shepard's team and rendez-vous with Ms. Lawson. This is a top priority. If there is still Cerberus activity, on Earth no less, we need to find out what they're up to. And put an end to it. Permanently."

"But sir, you asked me to look into indoctrination. This far exceeds my mission parameters."

"Mission parameters change, Mr. Evans. And I have complete faith in Shepard's team."

Sirus stood to attention, biting his tongue, and squaring his jaw.

"Sir. Assemble the crew of the Normandy. Rendez-vous with Lawson."

The old admiral kept his own poker face.

"Hackett out."

Sirus closed his eyes as the communicator went dark, repressing a yell of frustration. His omnitool flashed an incoming message: a set of coordinates.

He had the feeling this wasn't going to end well.

Liara rubbed at her tired eyes, curling up in a small ball in her chair. She did the best she could to keep watch on the commander. It was arguably very little; struggling within herself to stay by his side and helping the refugees. The former Shadow Broker had precious few moments to waste. But she reasoned that with the war's end, she owed this much to her lover. Besides, Glyph would alert her to any pressing matters.

It had been a little over two weeks since they'd recovered Shepard's body. It was still strange calling it that. They'd estimated that he would be fully healed within the month with his current rate of progression and available supplies. His mind, however, was still uncertain. On the verge of death when Tali'Zorah had found him, it was a miracle he lasted the trip to Alliance headquarters. He was in a coma ever since, with slim odds of a full recovery. His chances would hopefully increase once the last remnants of the Joint Fleet will have landed, and supplies were properly redistributed. But it was proving to be a tough sell so far.

Even with the mass relays inexplicably damaged and nowhere else to go, tensions among the various races of the Joint Fleet were growing again. It was almost as if the Reapers were a fleeting memory, and the galaxy, another crisis adverted, would go back exactly to how it was. Liara did her best not to let it show, but her disappointment was immense.

She was shaken out of her thoughts when someone knocked at the door.

"Come in," she said softly.

"Liara," greeted the newcomer in a deep voice.

"Hello, Garrus," the asari replied casually.

"How's he doing?"

"Better. They took away his respirator. They seem to think that he'll make a full physical recovery."

"He still hasn't woken up?"

Liara shook her head. Garrus nodded his head thoughtfully.

"Listen—"

"Garrus, it is quite alright," Liara cut him off.

The turian nodded again before clearing his throat.

"Bedside manners aren't really my thing," he said with a small chuckle. Liara found herself flashing him a hint of a smile despite everything. The turian's awkwardness had always been part of his charm. He reminded her of Shepard in that regard. It was unsurprising, seeing as how the two had struck a strong, lasting friendship.

"I'm afraid I'm not much company at the moment. But you're welcome to stay as long as you'd like, Garrus," the asari said after a moment.

Garrus clicked his mandibles in thought.

"I'll pass, thanks. Just let me know if anything changes."

"I will," she replied. "And Garrus," Liara added as the turian was about to leave. "Thank you."

The sound of shuffling feet was the reply.

' _Males never change_ ,' she thought to herself, bemused.

Garrus checked his sniper again as he waited in the armory. He'd received the message several minutes ago, and while he thought of passing the word to Liara, seeing her changed his mind. She had looked exhausted. He didn't want to make it any worse. He instead radioed Tali and Wrex. The krogan chieftain replied he was indisposed, trying to keep the peace now that the fighting was over. Grunt was sent instead.

"This better be good," the krogan tank-bred said immediately upon showing up.

Without taking his eyes off his treasured sniper, Garrus casually replied they were waiting on Tali. Without another word, Grunt began his own gun inspection.

The doors opened again, and this time Garrus greeted the quarian with a small nod, which she returned in earnest.

"It sounded serious. What's going on, Garrus?"

"You've been recruited," a fourth voice chipped in from the far end of the room.

Tali shifted her weight onto one leg, crossing her arms over her chest as she greeted the owner of the new voice coolly.

"Sirus Evans, I'm Admiral Hackett's… liaison for lack of a better term. I was hoping I'd get to brief you once _en route_."

The quarian's stance softened immediately at the mention of the Admiral, and even Grunt acknowledged the name with his namesake.

"I've never heard of you," Garrus simply said as Grunt walked up to Sirus, sizing him up. With a dissatisfied sniff, the krogan turned back to the armor racks along the wall.

If Sirus was intimidated, he hid it exceptionally well. His scruffy red beard never so much as twitched under the krogan's observations. He was wearing combat fatigues, but clearly they'd never seen much use. A little baggy on him, he looked somewhat like a child in his older brother's clothes. His hair was cropped on the sides, and gelled back at the top. His thin, ageless face looked more so for it.

"That means I've done my job to perfection, Mr. Vakarian, as I'm sure I can expect the same of you, today," came Sirus' cool reply. At the turian's lack of response, he seemed to gain a bit more confidence, and suddenly seemed less out of place. "Admiral Hackett wants us to investigate potential Cerberus activity here on Earth."

With a start, Tali was the first one to speak up.

"Cerberus is dead. And besides with the Reapers gone, what could they possibly be up to that requires _us_ to deal with it?"

Without missing a beat, Sirus opened up his omnitool and transferred them the reports and all other miscellaneous data he'd gathered up to now for his previous debriefing with Admiral Hackett.

"I understand you know of a certain Ms. Miranda Lawson. She contacted me not too long ago as I was investigating a murder case in the refugee camp."

"Murder?" Garrus's interest was piqued.

"All the information has been sent to your omnitools. I'm sure, Mr. Vakarian, that with your experience with C-Sec, you'll come to the same conclusions: there are still pockets of indoctrinated agents here and there. Ms. Lawson believes that Cerberus is behind it. While I don't have access to the entirety of your mission reports, I believe there was one particular event worthy of mention; Sanctuary."

Tali and Garrus eyed each other wearily. Despite this man's assurances of acting on behalf of Admiral Hackett, he was unusually well informed about the Normandy's crew and missions.

"How do you make the leap from a murder case, to indoctrination by Cerberus agents?"

Sirus' lips twitched in a ghost of a smile. "You'll just have to trust me, Mr. Vakarian. I'm not any happier about this than you are. But I have my mission, and a deadline. You're here as part of a collaborative effort. If you won't help, I'll find someone who will."

"I don't like being put into a corner," Grunt growled, approaching Sirus menacingly. To the human's credit, he didn't so much as blink, let alone acknowledge the threat.

"As I've said, Miranda Lawson is the common denominator here. It was her that tipped me off that there was more going on than I could possibly realise. Seeing as how you've worked together before, I figured you would have me at a disadvantage," Sirus spoke softly.

The assembled team was quiet for a few seconds as Sirus' words sunk in. Garrus looked over at Tali, who gave him a discreet nod of acquiescence. In turn, Garrus caught Grunt's eye and motioned for him to stand down.

With a guttural chuckle, Grunt backed away. "You've got spunk, for a human. Reminds me of Shepard."

Sirus visibly flinched. "Excellent. Now, if you mind, we've a shuttle to catch."

 _Heavy panting, scattered bouts of gunfire; inhuman screeches tore through the empty hallways._

Behind a ruined wall, a small squad of soldiers huddled for shelter, all the while taking pot-shots at the darkness.

"What the Hell is that _thing_!" the first soldier whispered through grit teeth.

"How would I know what the science division was cooking up?" a second murmured, terrified.

A heavy thump could be heard from their left and the soldiers all fired in unison. The stroboscopic effects of gunfire created still images of the horror slowly approaching them. It felt like staring down Death; hopelessness slowly gnawed on their psyche, tugging on the elastic that was their sanity as they lost all feeling in their limbs and shots ceased. Only one marine dared speak as he saw his life flash before his eyes:

"God, shoot it! Shoot it!"

But he didn't realise he had died until he saw his headless body fall to the ground in front of him.

Miranda was pacing restlessly when the shuttle finally arrived.

The team barely had time to get out before she barraged them.

"It took you long enough," she hissed.

"Nice to see you, too, Miranda," Garrus replied nonchalantly.

The ex-Cerberus officer softened her tone a little after. "It's Cerberus, Garrus."

"So we've been told," Tali answered in his stead.

"Just tell me what to shoot so we can go home and eat," Grunt pitched in.

Sirus emerged last from the shuttle.

"Ms. Lawson, pleasure to meet you."

Miranda narrowed her eyes in displeasure.

"We're not friends, Mr. Evans. If I thought you were incapable, you wouldn't be here. But that doesn't mean I'm happy about it."

"You're the one who's led me on a goose hunt for the better part of a year. And now I know why I could never get my hands on you. Imagine my surprise when you dropped the admiral's name as your credentials."

"I've done my share, not just for humanity. But for the whole damn galaxy. After this, I don't expect to hear from you, or the Alliance again."

Garrus cut in.

"I can see you two have history. But right now we have a job to do. Ripping at each other's throats isn't going to accomplish anything. So let's move on, shall we?"

"My thoughts exactly, Mr. Vakarian," Sirus replied.

As the squad began moving out, Tali and Garrus fell into step with Miranda. Grunt took point, ushering Sirus ahead of him. The redhead seemed none too pleased at the decision, wearing minimal gear.

"What's going on, Miranda?" Garrus finally asked.

"Like I said, it's Cerberus. There are still active branches operating here on Earth. But it gets much worse than that. They're still indoctrinated. We'd hypothesised after our mission on the derelict Reaper, that indoctrination's effects were permanent. But we never anticipated this."

"That's not what I was referring to," the ex C-Sec officer said.

With a small huff, Miranda stopped in her tracks, eyeing the turian.

"Sirus is a covert Alliance agent. He had been assigned to monitor the Normandy and her crew ever since Shepard resurrection. When the Commander returned to Earth, he was assigned to tracking down the Cerberus personnel that didn't come quietly. And that's just the tip of the official iceberg. He's dabbled in xenobiology, biotech R&D, implants and the like, all under different names and institutions, of course. Never mind the military training he's gotten over the years. He's efficient, surgical, and I've gotten cut more than once trying to avoid capture. He's known to me personally for having made my life insufferable this last year."

"Him? He's been weeding you out of your hiding places?"

"Like I said, he's smart, a genius even, and exceedingly capable."

"You'd think that they would have recognised what you've done for us…" Tali added.

"Not so long ago, you only saw Cerberus, too, Tali."

The quarian looked away, abashed. Miranda wasn't wrong. But it still felt uncomfortable when she said it aloud. While most quarians had cause to be apprehensive of Cerberus, Tali was placed in the unusual position of having helped Shepard and the rogue organisation take down the Collectors. She was not so kindly reminded that there are always two sides to every story. A lesson she took to heart.

"That's neither here nor there," Garrus commented. "Right now, we're stuck with him and we have to get to the bottom of this. You're saying Cerberus is behind this. He told us you were holding out on him."

The team resumed their march.

"Not quite. I'm about as in the dark as you are as to what they're doing. But I know it's them. It frightens me not knowing though."

"You talk too much." Grunt's voice cut in in a grumble. They'd not realised they'd caught up to the krogan and Sirus. Grunt made a gesture with his shotgun to a half-buried hatch in the rubble of the building they were scouting. "I'm guessing whatever you're _scared_ of is in there. Let's get this over with."

"While I would normally appreciate your style, Grunt, this is serious."

"Fighting is always serious."

Miranda tried her best not to let her frustration boil over. "Grunt," she managed through grit teeth, to which he only replied with his typical chuckle. "Focus."

"All I could piece together was this branch was somehow involved with indoctrination. They were one of the first operations to go AWOL after the Collector base. I believe they were the spearhead that enabled Sanctuary."

"How did you find out about this place?"

"They came after me."

"Well, that's a pretty strong clue."

Sirus was hunched over the hatch, examining it carefully when he pulled out a glove from his fatigues. He gingerly poked and prodded at the entrance to the bunker. Before Miranda could say anything, Sirus stood up, holding his gloved finger in the light of the sun. Squinting, he rubbed his index and thumb together, ascertaining the nature of whatever he was touching.

"Blood," he said as he smelled his fingers. "Fresh, too."

Grunt popped a fresh heat sink on his shotgun.

"Great," he chuckled.

The lights were barely functioning. Save for the occasional spark from exposed wiring, visibility was minimal. The extent of the damage done to the bunker was worrisome. Tali's helmet lights were the only external source they opted to use, since it was easier for the quarian to adjust them.

None of the five-man team uttered a word since entering the secret facility. The ladder was slick with blood and the inside of the hatch had the imprints of the desperate would-be-escapees. Their bodies, however, were nowhere in sight.

The smell seemed amplified by the lack of vision, as did the horror of it all.

Garrus had taken point with Grunt, followed by Tali, with Miranda and Sirus at the back. The turian squad leader made a move to hold position when the sound of something slithering away reached all their ears. The stop felt like an eternity, all their senses on the highest alert. Even Grunt, usually confident and eager to fight, seemed to hesitate in the dark catacomb.

Finally, Garrus motioned them forward again without a word, his assault rifle drawn and the safety off. The slithering sound never came back, but that was little comfort as they came across more and more blood smears the further they delved into the facility.

Miranda was the first to talk, and her throat felt tight from the effort.

"We should find a computer; get the plans for the building. Who knows how deep this goes…"

"Agreed," the team continued their slow crawl down the corridors, minimising the noise. They hadn't been this high-strung since the Collector base. And even it seemed tame to what they were witnessing now.

Nerves were affecting their perception of time. Tali knew this. And it definitely didn't alleviate the pressure that even Grunt was keeping radio silence. If his instincts were on high alert, then to say they were in danger was an understatement.

The krogan tank-bred stopped in his tracks, giving Garrus the slightest of taps on the side with the tip of his shotgun. The look he gave the turian chilled him to his core. "Smells like death here, worse than anywhere else. We're being watched."

Garrus gave him a slight nod, which he then gave to Tali, so she would brighten the lights a bit more. They glanced around the room they'd entered.

What should have been a pristine laboratory was but scattered pieces of equipment. Overturned tables were stacked across the only other door in a futile attempt to keep something out.

The would-be survivors were everywhere. The light held the grotesque forms of the dead in a baroque pose. The shadows writhed and twisted at impossible angles. Screams were sculpted on the victims' faces, eternal and silent were their fear-stricken features; bent limbs, rent bone, their remains wove a tale of terror and tragedy in the dull light

Tali shone her light away in disgust. The smell of blood, defecation and death overpowering her filters, she couldn't imagine what the others were enduring.

"Well, now we know where all the bodies went," Grunt croaked.

Even in the darkness left behind Tali's light, the pile of bodies towered like a dead tree, with gnarled branches reaching out as arms and hands were in full extension, grasping for the life they once had.

A lone access terminal shone faintly in the corner behind the tower of cadavers, indicating it was still active.

"Tali," Garrus whispered.

The quarian was already on the move. She crept silently passed the ineffable thing and accessed the computer. Quickly skimming through the digital pages, she scanned it with her omnitool for any useful data. She shook her head softly.

"Only research logs. I… can't understand most of it. Too technical, while the other half…" she trailed off.

"What is it, Tali?"

"Keelah…" she whispered, terror seeping into every syllable. "Garrus, we need to leave. Right now."

Garrus opened his mouth to speak when a sudden whining groan cut him off. It lasted a fleeting moment, but everyone had drawn their weapons.

The body at the top of the crude peak behind Tali twitched before falling. As it hit the ground with a wet slapping sound, everyone stared at the fallen nameless frame. Suddenly the body began having spasms, and with a violent snapping of bone, the broken body started to take shape anew. In the agonising seconds that followed, the final atrocity committed, and with a sigh, as if life breathed into the room with a final, unutterable cry, it was whole.

Sunken eye sockets stared at them, one by one, the flesh seeming to melt off the bones around its face. The creature tilted its head to the side with another sickening snap before taking a step forward with its impossibly long, thin legs. In a silent cry, its mouth opened wide, and Grunt's shotgun pierced the stillness, sending the beast flying.

At the sound, the mound of corpses suddenly came to life, just as the first, and a deafening roar rose in the chamber.

"Run!" Garrus commanded, firing at the mass of death that began taking shape and hobbling unevenly toward them.

Bodies were falling off it with each shot, but as they fell, they writhed and contorted and rose again to give chase, unhindered. It wouldn't be long before the squad would be overrun. And Sirus knew what he needed to do.

They hadn't been running long, but his hammering heart threatened to burst out of his chest. The creatures were moving faster every time they would rise after being put down. They were an endless mass of blood-slickened flesh and rent bones. Despite the darkness and their empty eye sockets, Sirus could see the hunger that drove them. In a panicked wheeze he thought of zombies, essentially immortal and unrelenting. It didn't help him move faster.

He managed to tear his attention away from the thing, focusing instead on Shepard's team slightly ahead of him. He knew them enough from their psyche profiles that if he fell, they would stop to try and help. And it would likely cost them their lives. He felt his legs growing numb and tired, and his lungs weren't far behind; his body was at its limit.

He didn't know he had it in him, but he managed to catch Garrus' attention as he stopped running.

"Sirus!"

"Grenades!" he yelled back. And they were in Sirus' hands but a second before the pursuing mass swallowed him whole. He pulled the pin and in the following instant felt his whole body shudder, and his arms were torn from their sockets and mouths clamped down on his neck, his stomach… a scream sought release but came out only as a bubbling gurgle. As his brain tried to process the pain, the explosion sent pieces of the eldritch mass, and what remained of him, splattering everywhere.

"Go, go, go!" Garrus ushered the squad forward.

They reached the entrance they'd come in from, with no more sign of pursuit. Garrus stayed at the bottom with Grunt as the girls climbed the ladder back out. Tali cried out in panic.

"It's jammed!"

"Well, fix it!" Miranda yelled from below her.

"I hadn't thought of that, thanks!"

"Ladies!" Garrus interrupted both as the first signs of the creature, some ablaze, came barrelling down the end of the corridor they were in. Grunt fired off an energy blast and turned on his incendiary rounds. While the explosion didn't kill whatever was after them, it certainly seemed to disorient it and slow it some. Taking shot after shot, the corpus was pushed back, on fire, and it seemed to panic. But it didn't last as it kept advancing and gaining ground.

Closer, and closer, Garrus and Grunt did what they could. Until a sudden burst of light from the open hatch drew their attention away from the imminent threat. With an ungodly shriek, the hideous amorphous being fled back into the darkness; the sudden sound somehow worse than the smell.

Neither Garrus nor Grunt wasted time waiting to see if it came back. Jumping up three steps at a time, Garrus sprang out of the bunker first. He turned round gave Grunt a hand pulling him up faster, aided by Miranda's biotics. Without a second thought, the hatch slammed closed, and Tali was already welding it shut with her omnitool.

Panting heavily, the squad looked at each other in disbelief.

"What, by the Ancestors, was that?" Tali spoke first, jumping away from the hatch as if it would bite her.

Garrus looked over at Miranda, who just kept shaking her head, evidently in shock.

"That, was us contacting Admiral Hackett. Immediately."

"No complaints here," Grunt grumbled.

"I thought you would have relished the challenge, Grunt," Garrus pitched.

"I don't like things that don't die when they explode," Grunt said dryly.

"Fair enough," Garrus replied.

It hurt. He didn't know that that was all he'd remember. The bombs going off, the sensation of every limb being torn apart; even now, he could feel it all. Exploding under shots, catching fire, reshaping biomass, regenerating, reshaping again, and again, the pain was mind-numbing.

He knew he was dead. But the pain persisted. He wanted it to stop. He felt his body reaching out, further and further, soaking in the blood on the walls searching for the source of the pain. He wanted to make it stop. Why wouldn't it stop?

Consciousness came to him suddenly when a light shone brightly and hurt more than the fire, or being torn apart. In the echo of the subsiding gunfire, and between his violent sobs, a voice spoke:

" _Join us, and be Whole,_ Sirus _."_


	3. Full Tilt

"What did you expect was going to happen?" the woman angrily muttered as she typed away at her computer with furious fervor. In a grave voice she mockingly added: "Oh, Tali! I've always loved _you_! All this time!" She placed her hands on either side of her terminal, leaning heavily, bowing her head as she tried taking deep breaths. "Stupid bosh'tet." She whispered fighting back her tears, her fingers making the metal of her station creak a little.

 _"I didn't want you to do this alone. But… I guess you're not alone anymore. You've got Liara."_

 _"If it had worked out differently…" He let the sentence go unfinished._

 _"No, it's okay. Liara's my friend too. I hope the two of you are happy," she managed despite the lump in her throat._

 _"Thanks."_

 _He looked lost. Not just at a loss for words, but as if he genuinely didn't know what he was doing. Under any other circumstance it would have made her laugh. His handsome features scrunched up so awkwardly._

 _"I should get back before the admirals get into trouble again. I'll talk to you later." She almost whispered._

 _As she turned to head out the door, she realised she expected him to stop her. Had she fallen so low and desperate that she would try to guilt him into being with her instead of Liara? Had she not moments ago said that she was fine with it? Even before coming to meet him, she'd prepared for such an answer. She'd told herself that she accepted his choice. After all, she was only quarian._

The images swirled in her mind and she swam through the memories blindly, the pain jolting her to a semblance of consciousness. She realised she was moving, but not of her own accord.

"What…" she muttered and immediately her surroundings came into focus as she came to an abrupt halt.

"Tali, thank the Spirits."

"Garrus, where are you?" She lifted her head, trying to find him, but caught sight of only Liara and Shepard a few meters away.

Suddenly, her view shifted as she felt her feet touching the ground and Garrus was in front of her.

"You gave us quite a scare there. You alright?"

Tali tilted her head inquisitively.

"Why wouldn't I be? What are we doing out here, and why is it so dark?"

Garrus turned to look at Liara who had come closer.

"Don't you remember anything?"

The quarian tried her best to think of how she'd gotten to wherever she was, and why she had to be carried. She shook her head after a few seconds, only drawing blanks. She had no idea what was going on, nor what the last thing she had done. She turned her attention back to her turian comrade, tilting her head, her question unvoiced.

Garrus sighed softly, before scratching the back of his head. Suddenly, a distant screech announced they weren't alone. If turians could blanch, Garrus' expression was example of it. He quickly turned round to look where the sound was coming from. It sounded like something dying. A shiver ran down Tali's spine as violent images flooded her head and she desperately tried to keep them away.

 _The putrid stench of rotten flesh and gore filled the room, the walls, a canvas of horror; severed limbs, empty, dead eyes staring back at her: "Save me!" The bodiless heads' features were contorted in unfathomable terror. Having not known better, she could still hear the screams coming from their agape mouths._

"Tali!"

She blinked a few times.

"What's happening?" She whimpered as the images subsided. As she began to panic she felt Garrus' clawed hands take hold of her shoulders.

"Tali. Listen to me. We've got to get out of here." The familiar drawl on his words was gone. In its stead was the heavy punctuation of the soldier she'd gone to battle with so many times. She nodded shakily. And the screech from earlier resounded again, louder.

She shut her eyes tightly in anticipation of another wave of images, but nothing came. The feeling of Garrus' talons pulling her down the hallway brought her back to reality.

"What was that?" She whispered.

He gave a non-committal shrug in response as he peered around the corner before adding: "Bad news bears."

The quarian recoiled from the expression.

Garrus turned to look back over his shoulder.

"Human expression, it means–"

"I know what it means," Tali aggressively cut him off making him jump a little. She shook her head a little, looking back at the still unconscious Shepard trailing behind them with Liara.

He nodded solemnly, following her gaze and train of thought. Shepard always used to tell them that whenever things weren't going according to plan.

"He'll be fine," he added, making Tali jump a little.

"Yeah," she muttered.

Liara looked up at the pair leading the way, quietly closing the gap.

"Why are we stopping?" She asked.

Garrus nodded at her.

"The way's clear. We've got a straight shot for a mako parked just outside."

"So what are we waiting for then?" Tali asked.

"We've got company," he growled softly, his eyes looking at something behind them.

Both Tali and Liara turned, peering into the darkness that swallowed everything. They couldn't make anything out passed the dancing shadows their minds created. A soft hiss, a sudden blue hue pierced the silent obscurity. Two electric, maddened eyes penetrated their souls.

The hiss grew into a feral snarl, and a single word could be heard, sneered at them:

"Shepard," it drawled in victory.

Tali reached behind her back reflexively, but her shotgun wasn't there. She didn't dare take her eyes off of whatever it was staring back at them. It was low to the ground, as if stalking them. Its eyes twinkled mischievously as their narrowed, taking in its prey. Slowly it rose, knowing itself discovered. It was taller than anything Tali had ever laid eyes on. It dwarfed krogan and she saw out of the corner of her eye Garrus lower his pistol in shock.

"By the Goddess…" Liara said a hand covering her mouth as the thing in the dark moved closer to them.

Each step seemed to shake the ground. How could something so big, so heavy sneak up on them Tali thought? As it approached, a sudden stench filled her air filters and she fought the urge to activate them, least she saw whatever it was baring down on them.

Covered it shadow, it loomed over them.

"Give us, the Shepard."

It took another step, the sound metal upon metal giving a distinct sound, followed by dripping. Vivid images of the horrors she recalled earlier came flooding back.

 _Screams in the distance, silenced with a sickening squelch. A decadent roar shook the halls, and despite herself, she dove into the pile of broken bodies she'd found earlier. She turned all the systems of her suit off, lights, olfactory filters. Everything._

 _All she could hear now was her heaving breathing that she was desperately fighting to control. The ground shook once, and she closed her eyes._ Please, go away.

 _It was her last thought before she opened her eyes, seeing only one blue iris peering down at her._

"No…" Her voice cracked. Despite herself, her body shook when the creature singled her out amongst the group.

"Give us. The. Shepard." It said again, more forcefully.

* * *

Liara could focused on generating a small enough biotic field to not be noticed. She had one chance. Whatever these things were, they had managed to dampen her biotics on their last encounter. She needed discretion above all else. She felt the same cold attitude she adopted as the Shadow Broker resurge when Tali began to panic. This was the diversion she needed. The creature was entirely focused on the quarian. It was their only chance.

She released her biotics and it hit the creature square in the chest sending it flying backwards despite its massive size.

"Go!" She yelled. Garrus wasted no time grabbing Tali by the arm as pushed Shepard's gurney on ahead. The creature's deafening roar caught up to them as they bolted for the deserted vehicle. Liara turned to look over her shoulder just in time to throw a singularity at the doorway, collapsing it. A huge clawed metal arm burst through the rubble.

"SHEPARD!" The shriek came from the ruin. To the asari's horror, she saw the appendage begin to liquefy into that same black ooze that pooled out of every other creature they'd encountered. Except from the puddle, humanoid shapes were rising, taking form.

"By the Goddess…" Liara stopped in her tracks, dumbfounded. _What are they?_ She thought.

"Liara!" Garrus shouted snapping her out of her reverie. A new creature, smaller, had finished materialising in front of her.

"You will not keep the Shepard of Humanity from us," it snarled.

The coherence of the creature's speech caught her completely off guard. As it made its way to her, its advance was hardly halted from the pot-shots Garrus was taking. Wherever the blasts hit it, it exploded into a pile of black goo that quickly began its work, repairing the damage.

She quickly materialised another push with her biotics though the creature liquefied again, avoiding the attack. The few seconds it bought her allowed her to turn and run the last few meters to the tank. Shepard had already been brought inside and Garrus had already managed to start the vehicle.

"Go!" She yelled as soon as she was in. The tank rocked as it drove over rubble and ruin. Everything shook violently and the mako almost toppled over from a sudden impact to the left.

"It's ramming us now?" Tali shouted. She was sitting by Shepard's still unconscious form. "It can shapeshift, resists guns, biotics, and now it's trying to be a battering ram? What is that thing?!" Her eyes were shining with an intensity that spoke to Liara.

"Go faster," was all Liara could say as something else impacted their getaway.

"Don't need to tell me twice. One of you get on the cannons. The readings say it should still be operational. Let's hope that thing out there doesn't wizen up and take it out."

Liara pulled down the turret controls and began to look for signs of the creature.

"It's too dark. I can't see it."

"Just shoot anywhere behind us! Radar says there's plenty of hostiles!"

The ground shook more than ever as Liara pulled the triggers. The huge guns flash showed a swarm of them flying from the shockwave, their screeches tearing through the soundwave. Liara took four more shots before Garrus shouted:

"They're retreating!"

"Well, that's not good…" Tali said.

Liara shared the sentiment. Whatever the creatures were up to, it definitely wasn't reassuring to know they had a respite. That was, until she felt something drip onto her arm.

A small amount of the black liquid was leaking through the roof of the vehicle. Liara jumped down from the turret's controls, frantically trying to get the goo off her arm. It detached of its own accord and a small puddle on the floor turned to a tiny, skeletal face.

"We will find another way." It said before slipping through the floor.

"What the–" Garrus didn't have time to finish his sentence as the mako was hit and sent tumbling through the air. It landed with a hard crash on its side, and Liara's vision went dark as she hit her head.

* * *

 _Whispers in the dark._

 _Shepard. The name echoed in the abyss that surrounded him._

 _A buzzing noise engulfed the myriad of voices._

 _As the irate sound grew, only one thing remained clear in his mind:_

 _We are the Harbinger of your perfection._


	4. Wide Awake

A man was sitting at a bar. His dark brown hair was nearly all shaved on the sides, but long bangs hung freely in front of his eyes. He ran a hand distractedly through them, pushing them out of his face. Normally he'd have them slicked back with gel, but tonight he didn't care about appearances. His normally clean cut, sharp jawline was covered in stubble. It gave him that ruffian look of his youth, and everyone left him alone.

"You have to wake up eventually Shepard."

The commander put his drink down with a grimace, as if the words somehow robbed it of its taste. He looked into his own eyes reflected and distorted. His normally brown eyes seemed darker due to the amber liquid. He swished the contents morosely, erasing the deformed image of himself.

"But I wanted you to carry me!"

Shepard cast a sideways glance in the direction of the familiar voices. A little kid who couldn't have been much older than five piped up, his smile reaching up to his eyes.

Suddenly, the bar that the commander had been sitting at vanished. The sombre décor gave way to the grey of an undercity. Skyscrapers towered all around him, and trash littered the streets, but it was the stench of blood, sweat and tears that filled his nostrils.

The young child –the twinkle in his brown eyes was gone– was standing above a pile of rubble. The commander knew it was in fact a nameless gravestone. Or a failed attempt of normalcy; the rocks were piled on top one another. He'd done his best to find the flattest and easiest to stack.

Then it struck him: he was alone now. They wouldn't care about the shape of the rocks. They couldn't, unbreathing, cold; they were just bodies. His parents were gone.

He didn't remember what followed that event. What seemed like minutes had in fact been years. What came across as a bad dream had turned out to be the last 12 years of his life flashing before his eyes. He'd felt like he was on autopilot with only one thought keeping him sane: joining the Alliance.

The crime and dirty lifestyle that came with his orphaning was over. He'd traded in his worn out overall for dress blues. And despite the training, the subsequent fighting, he still felt dead inside. His body was heavier than before, days and nights blurred together on a spaceship, and the missions were shorter; their success tasted only of ash on his tongue. Everything he'd hoped the Alliance to be only came across as bitter disappointment. But he got the job done. That's all the brass needed.

Shepard never knew why he stayed in the military, or why he was so good at playing soldier. The lonely nights in his cabin, he realised years later, probably helped. His focus was unrivaled, and it came as no surprised that the Akuze incident saw only him walk out alive. The already walking dead man fearlessly trudged through the valley of the shadow of death unscathed. The subsequent attention it brought him, however, threw everything out of focus. His promotion, his induction into the N7 program, his recommendation into SPECTRE ranks…

Eden Prime.

It all cascaded from there. What started off as a routine mission blew up in the most spectacular of ways. Without realising it, he could hear his heart's steady beating again, the slow ins and outs of breathing; with a shudder he woke up; alive. He understood his whole life he'd struggled to be here. Now.

To hunt down rogue agents and shadow organisations, while keeping a seemingly unstoppable threat at bay; who else but he could have pulled it off? And as he fought, the numbness that kept him hidden from the world faded. He remembered his parents, his unit; he remembered belonging and what it meant to love and be loved. Everything seemed important again. He had purpose.

Liara.

It had been the asari's gift to him. Though he never knew he was missing any of it. Buried in work, kept in chains by duty; it had sufficed until that moment their minds had touched. His fascination with her grew, as did hers.

But as all things did, this newfound purpose and vivacity was extinguished in violence; scorched and broken, Shepard was gone. The void swallowed him and the Normandy.

* * *

 _Raspy breathing._

 _Where am I?_

He opened his eyes, but darkness persisted. It was chased away only by the occasional sparks of loose wiring.

 _That's dangerous…_

He thought to himself. He tried to move only to realise he was stuck. Wherever he was, somehow, he was completely incapacitated. With a groan of effort he tried to lift whatever it was that was keeping him pinned down. With a soft tumble and a plaintive moan, he realised he'd shifted a body from atop of him.

"What in the world…" he croaked out.

"Shepard?" A soft voice called out to him in the darkness. The drowsiness was quickly being chased away, making way for excitement as he recognised that beautiful voice.

"Tali…" he managed as loud as he could.

The soft purple hue of a visor shifted into his vision from the direction of the body he'd hoisted off himself. He felt her gloved hand caress his cheek, and he ignored the stinging sensation of a cut there.

"Hey there sleepy head," she murmured stroking his face. He took her hand in his, squeezing it affectionately. "Not that I'm not incredibly happy to see you're awake and alive, but… we've got bigger problems."

"Yeah… where are we?" He asked. Tali retracted her hand.

"We're in a mako. We got flipped over while trying to get you to safety."

"The Reapers?" Shepard frowned as images flashed in his mind.

The words _Catalyst_ and _Crucible_ echoed in his mind, but he didn't quite know what to make of them. He must have hit his head.

"No, those are gone, Shepard. Whatever you did worked. This… this is something new. Worse." That was Liara's voice Shepard thought. He craned his neck in all directions, but couldn't make out where her voice was coming from.

"What do you mean, 'whatever I did' ?" Tali's face came back into view.

"Now's not really the time for your jokes, Shepard," he could picture her beautiful face scowling, and suppressed a laugh. Before he could say anything, the screeching sound of metal against metal brought him back to reality.

"I'm going to take it that that's whatever put us into this mess?" He whispered. Tali looked to the direction of the sound and she nodded mutely. She turned back to him, placing a finger on his lips, keeping him quiet. He felt her hands wander up and down his torso, looking for his arms. As she gripped them, she hoisted him to his feet, and it was only then that he realised the entire vehicle was askew. For some reason, he hadn't registered this as a fact when the quarian had first told him it was so.

The vehicle had to be stuck on its nose, or whatever was left of it. He hadn't realised how cramped they were until he stood up. The roof of the vehicle was far too high for it to be in its original position. Abruptly his suspicions were confirmed as Tali turned on her omni tool.

The mako was a mess. Liara was clinging on to the side rails further ahead. She motioned for him to look behind him, all the while keeping a finger on her lips, telling him to keep quiet much as Tali had. He frowned. He didn't quite understand. Whatever had attacked them _knew_ they were in the vehicle. It's not as if they'd give up after incapacitating them. If he were they, he'd make sure the job was finished.

He turned around as his thoughts ran wild. Garrus was unconscious at what was left of wheel. He realised sickeningly that the turian had been impaled by whatever it was that they had struck. He adeptly made his way down despite Tali's attempts to stop him. The closer he got, the clearer a whirring sound could be heard from his left. He ignored it. Nothing would stop him from getting to Garrus. He needed to make sure.

As he reached his friend's body, he was relieved to see that the turian was still breathing, despite the severity of his injuries. What he originally thought had pierced Garrus' body, had in fact just missed it. The metal pole had struck just above his shoulder. He nudged the turian softly, earning a soft hiss. Garrus' left eye shot open as he glared at the commander before his gaze softened with recognition.

"Shepard…" he made out feebly, his mandible clicking in a turian grin.

"Yeah, it's me. But we're cutting this reunion short it looks like," Shepard said as sparks began to fly from his left and he realised that the whirring had intensified. Whatever was out there, it was sawing its way through the mako's plating to get to them. Shepard propped himself right next to where the sparks were flying, shielding his eyes in the process. "This is gonna hurt buddy," he said and before Garrus could say anything Shepard kicked the turian's shoulder, successfully breaking the armor free.

Garrus howled in both anger and pain at Shepard's reckless manoeuvre, clutching his arm. It was surely broken from the awkward position it had been in and the commander's attack. Shepard grabbed hold of Garrus right arm, hoisting him up just as the whirring grew in intensity and he could make out the saw blade in the inner chamber of the mako now.

As the last bits of panelling gave way, Shepard lifted Garrus with all his strength, giving him enough height to reach Tali. The commander turned to the new opening that had been formed, curiosity getting the better of him.

"Shepard!" a deep voice boomed. "Is that you?!"

"Wrex?" Shepard laughed disbelievingly.

The giant krogan's face barely fit in the hole that he'd cut open. He'd turned his head sideways to get a better look inside before his a throated laugh rumbled in the mako.

"Hold on while we pull you out of there."

Shepard helped Tali get Garrus back down as the krogan widened the gap enough to allow the wounded turian through without hitting anything.

"Who would have thought you'd be the one out there," Garrus mumbled gratefully.

"Someone's gotta pull your scaly ass outta the fire," Wrex laughed smacking Garrus on the back causing him to wheeze in pain. "Sorry," came the krogan's insincere apology, punctuated by laughter.

"How'd you know it was us?" Tali asked once they'd all made it out of the ruined vehicle. "And what about those things that were chasing us? Did you kill them?"

The large krogan's smile vanished instantly.

"No, they slithered away the second we shot at you. Sorry about that. We were actually hoping you'd have information for us. We lost contact with HQ about an hour ago when you came, bombing through the streets in that wreck. Hell, we didn't even know you were driving it." Wrex crossed his arms before shrugging.

"So you have no idea what's going on?" Liara asked.

The krogan turned to her, his dark red eyes radiating in the moonlight. "No," he settled for as an answer before shrugging again.

It was Shepard's turn to cross his arms. "That's lovely. Last thing I remember I'm headed towards a beam of light, and then I wake up in a busted mako with you guys telling me the Reapers are gone. And despite that, you manage to be just as confused as I am when it comes to knowing what the hell's going on."

He could sense everyone tense around him. The commander was obviously acting strangely according to them. No doubt it had to do with the gaps in his memory. Liara placed a hand on Shepard's shoulder, gaining his attention, and his hard gaze softened at her worried expression.

"Do you really not remember anything?"

"I… I don't, Liara," the commander's voice came out much more vulnerable than he intended it to. "Last time this happened, I was enlisted in Cerberus. I'd like to not have a repeat." He continued, regaining his composure. Liara nodded understandingly.

"First, we need to get to safety. Then I promise to fill you in. At least, tell you everything I know."

Shepard suddenly felt exhausted.

"Now that that's settled, let's get you pyjaks back to base. There's no telling when those things will be back," Wrex grumbled.

* * *

"Please, I'm just a sca—" the young boy didn't even have time to finish his sentence as a mechanical arm pierced through his chest. He gasped as his lungs were punctured, his terrified eyes looking directly at the monstrosity before him. The white of his eyes slowly turned black and he shuddered violently, but not from the pain of dying.

Black ooze leaked out of his orifices, and he continued to spasm uncontrollably. He mouthed silently as the black liquid continued to pour out of him. With a final jolt he stopped, falling to the ground. The creature before the body fell into a puddle of rotten flesh and metal in a clatter.

Slowly, the young boy rose.

"You will give us voice. Through us, you will grow beyond the constraints of mortality. And through you, Shepard will be ours."


	5. Hound of Hades

I would like to thank everybody who has been faving and following this story so far. The support is always very much appreciated, and I hope that the next installments will continue to please. I want to try and keep a steady schedule with this story: you can expect an update every week or so. I will leave a note beforehand if I anticipate not being able to keep up the pace for X reasons.

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Thank you all for sticking with me,

Enjoy!

* * *

 _Several hours earlier._

Tali had assembled her team near the entrance of their base of operations. They'd used the same set of buildings as a foothold in the final push against the Reapers weeks ago.

The quarian shook her head softly. It was so surreal. The Joint Fleet had emerged victorious, somehow. As the reaper forces bore down upon them from all sides, a sudden, blinding light came from the sky. She'd recognised it as Shepard's doing as the light washed over their aggressors.

It hadn't taken her long to realise that the field was disabling the synthetic abominations attacking them. But for good measure, she'd instructed the other survivors to proceed with what normally would have been kill shots. It was then that Tali understood how the burdens of leadership and war had changed her; how Shepard had changed her.

Her captain —once lover— had always come across as a practical individual; experienced and having braved the horrors of war before, he'd often performed routine checks on their downed opponents, synthetic or organic. It was a habit he'd instilled in all the squads he'd worked with during their time together on the Normandies SR1 and SR2.

The young quarian's time aboard both ships had been enjoyable. But as with anything, there were as many pros as cons. Enamored with Shepard ever since she'd first begun her service aboard the human-turian frigate, she found it difficult watching him engage in a relationship with Liara. As any good quarian would've done, she'd made sure to not let her personal feelings interfere with their mission. Though she wouldn't lie and say she wasn't pleased to hear that the two had called off their burgeoning relationship soon after.

It had taken her a great deal of restraint to not make a move then, to support the morose commander. Even though he didn't say it at the time, the decision haunted him. Liara had somewhat become an unhealthy obsession for the commander. Day in, day out, he trudged through the halls distracted. The times he visited engineering were few and far between. He was a soldier. As long as his ship flew, that's all that mattered.

Tali would go out of her way to meet him in the mess. Despite her intentions to support her heart aching captain, she'd often end up speaking of the Flotilla. A small smile curled the corners of her mouth.

 _"_ _Shepard, I need to talk to you. It's important."_

 _"_ _Is something wrong?"_

 _"_ _The data you took from those geth control nods. I want a copy of it."_

 _"_ _You want to bring this data back to the Migrant Fleet?"_

 _"_ _Those files have information that could be vital to understand the geth. It could be the key to us reclaiming our homeworld."_

 _"_ _Will you return to the Flotilla, then?"_

 _Tali knotted her hands shyly. She held her current captain's steady gaze._

 _"_ _No," she said after a while. "I'll stay with you." She felt a soft blush creep up on her at the weight of her words. "As long as it takes to stop Saren, I mean."_

 _Shepard let out a small chuckle._

 _"_ _I want to know more about the Pilgrimage," he said with a soft smile._

 _"_ _Oh, well… When my people reach maturity, we leave our birth ships and seek acceptance with a new crew. It's necessary to maintain genetic diversity among the fleet. But no ship wants to accept someone who will be a burden on them. So to prove our worth we embark on a pilgrimage. We set out alone, leaving the Flotilla and our families behind us. We only return once we have found something of value we can bring back to the fleet. This is presented as a gift to the captain of the respective ship we wish to join. If the gift is accepted, we are welcomed into the crew."_

 _"_ _I know what you're thinking: 'Could a captain choose to reject a gift?' That doesn't happen often. Most captains are eager to increase the size of their crew. It increases their standing in our society. Even when the gift is not particularly valuable, the captain usually accepts it out of a sense of tradition; however, there is a stigma of presenting a sub-standard gift: it's not the best way to make a good impression on a new community. Most pilgrims don't return until they've found something worthwhile."_

 _"_ _It's not like they just cast us out, mind you. Before we leave, we are given lessons in how to survive outside the Flotilla, and given gifts to help us on our journey. We also receive implants to fight off sickness and disease: generations of living in an isolated and highly controlled environment have left our immune systems weaker than most. By the time we leave the fleet, we are well-equipped for the Pilgrimage. This is a rite of passage for all quarians. If it were dangerous, our numbers would suffer. Virtually every Pilgrimage ends with a triumphant return and the ritual presentation of the gift to one of the fleet's captains."_

 _She stopped for a while, another blush of embarrassment creeping up on her._

 _"_ _Something wrong?" Shepard broke the silence, looking at her expectantly._

 _"_ _Oh, no. Sorry. It's just… talking so much about the flotilla. I sort of feel out of place."_

 _"_ _Is the crew giving you a hard time?"_

 _"_ _No! Your crew's been really great to me! Especially your chief engineer!"_

 _Shepard's smile grew considerably, and the soft rumble of his laughter cut off any further explanations on her part. She felt her tense muscles relax at the sound. Tali realised how she must have seemed to him. She was quick to forget that aliens didn't have the same experience with communicating with quarians. They couldn't pick up on the subtle cues of her body language._

 _"_ _It's okay, Tali. I didn't mean to put you on the spot like that."_

 _The quarian tilted her head inquisitively as her translator failed to interpret the expression._

 _"_ _You have a very strange way of speaking, Shepard."_

She sifted through the ruins distractedly. The soft buzz of com chatter kept her out of further memories. Tali asked for a status update then. It wouldn't do for her to not contribute.

"Sirus said he'd stumbled across some lab though. He went in to check it out. Been dark ever since."

 _'_ _Sirus?_ ' she thought to herself. He probably meant the young human that joined at the last minute. She frowned as her squadmate's words sank in. "What were his last coordinates?"

"Ma'am?"

"Just send them over. It's probably nothing. Humans use a material for their buildings that sometimes block communications. Shepard once told me about it. Older buildings are the most problematic." ' _But I need to be sure._ ' She added to herself.

* * *

Sirus was unimpressive. Short, even for a human, his features were dull too; neither ugly nor pretty. He'd never really thought about the future until the war with the geth broke out. His foster family had been on Eden Prime. While he hadn't left on the best of terms, he strangely felt nothing at the news. That chapter of his life was over, regardless of the outcome, he calmly reasoned.

If anything, he felt disappointment that the Alliance could do so little for the colony. Its name was symbolism enough of what it represented to humanity. Still, it fell. The beacon of hope was extinguished, brutally.

And then, there was the news of Commander Shepard becoming the first human SPECTRE. His disinterest in Eden Prime and the Alliance was replaced. Sirus saw the commander's inauguration on the feeds. It stirred something deep within him. He'd begun imagining scenarios where he and the commander served in humanity's best interest. His dreams of the commander quickly grew into a sickly obsession. He scrounged the extranet for any information on the man.

A harsh past: orphaned, a life in petty crime he sought desperately to escape, the losses suffered on Akuze; Sirus saw a lot of his own suffering in Shepard's.

A life of betrayal, and constant obstacles, Sirus learned to keep his head low, all the while making extra credits on the side. Information was the true currency of the galactic community they lived in. While the game's intricacies often flew over his head, he knew enough to instinctively navigate his way through the webs and traps that filled the shadows; he knew how to be at the right place at the right time, and who to tell what when.

As Shepard's exploits reached his ears, however, what had started as admiration soon became envy. It was that bitter feeling, that festering rage that swallowed him whole. He compared the commander's life to his own and it was slowly killing him. Where Shepard had found solace in the Alliance, Sirus had nothing. He couldn't join the military, he was an illegal refugee. And so he involuntarily continued working for nameless crime bosses all over the Citadel and spoon-fed the police force what it wanted to hear.

If the commander could reach such heights from nothing, then why couldn't Sirus? Why was he forced to continue to endure the stale lifestyle of the illicit informant for C-Sec? After all, both were orphans. No one would understand the hardships they endured. Sirus cursed with every fiber of his being his inability to escape his lifestyle as Shepard had.

But then his burning anger was extinguished; the commander was dead. The news had shaken the youth into a stupor. He found himself visiting the clubs more regularly. He'd drink himself stupid whenever he could. He became sloppy with his work and soon lost any importance as an informant. As he gulped down his paychecks in drinks, it wasn't long before he would be killed. He knew that his existence hinged on his usefulness. He just didn't care anymore.

He cursed Shepard for dying. He cursed the dead SPECTRE for taking his purpose in life. Sirus stumbled through the narrow alleys of the Citadel with the hopes of never making it home. But a year passed, and then came a knock at his door.

Sirus still didn't understand what compelled him to answer. He'd had so much the previous night he'd passed out on his floor. Councillor Anderson stood before him. Sirus stared at the older man confused. He must still have been drunk he thought.

"'Morning Sirus, mind if I have a word?" Sirus blinked a few times before looking around skeptically.

"Sure," he said finally, noting nothing out of the ordinary.

"You don't sound too sure about it," Anderson remarked with a smirk as Sirus turned around to head further into his apartment, welcoming the Councillor in the process.

"I've just never hallucinated so vividly before," Sirus said as he picked up a half-finished bottle on his counter, draining it. He shook his head in disgust at the stale, warm taste that flooded his mouth.

Anderson clicked his heels in attention and the air around him changed.

"You're not hallucinating Sirus. I'm here with an opportunity for you."

The young alcoholic turned to look over his shoulder as he chucked the now empty bottle into a bin nearby.

"Not interested," he said bitterly.

"Shepard's alive." Sirus froze. "I need you to find him."

"You need _me_ to find him?" the young man asked, baffled.

"He's working for Cerberus. We need someone on the inside to keep tabs on him. We haven't been able to get a good angle in. We think he's being played, and we want to be there in case we're right."

"And if you're wrong?"

"Then he's a criminal."

"You were friends, weren't you? Why so little faith in your ex-XO?"

Anderson's lips were pressed in a thin line.

"For an information broker, you sure lack tact."

Sirus shrugged.

"There's a reason I'm not in the business anymore. And besides, it's not like I'm going to do it. I'm not your guy."

"Then why am I still here?" Anderson asked.

Sirus scowled at the human councillor. He leaned over the dirty sink, lost in thought for a moment.

"Why now?" Sirus' brown eyes flicked up at Anderson with sharpness behind the gaze, and the councillor almost shivered.

"The Council, like any major governmental body, needs off -record bodies. You fit the bill. Your work with C-Sec didn't go unnoticed."

"What, you want to make me a SPECTRE?"

"Off-record," Anderson reiterated.

"Right," Sirus scoffed. "An expendable asset then," while his tone gave up impatience, his eyes glowed with a vivacity he hadn't felt in years. He'd long realised he didn't care about his life. And whether he wanted to admit it or not, Shepard had just given him purpose again.

"Something like that," Anderson said evasively.

* * *

Whether it was Shepard's death, Sirus' shattered hopes, the military training by both the Council and Cerberus, he wasn't sure. Something had changed him. When the news of the commander's exploits in the Terminus Systems became known, Sirus was unmoved. He'd moved on. The excited buzzing of the Cerberus recruits around him was annoying almost. Sooner or later, they too would realise that idolising a walking ghost was pointless.

It had been almost a year since Sirus had infiltrated Cerberus. It turned out he had a knack for electronics and quickly Anderson shipped him off as a tech officer. The infiltration in itself wasn't all that challenging. Once inside, that's where Sirus understood the Alliance and Council's difficulties with the task. Cerberus was the real deal. They were all the Council feared them to be. Illegal experiments were just the tip of the iceberg. Blending in in such a crowd came easier to Sirus than most. His moral compass was fairly dysfunctional, he realised, which greatly benefitted him with more important tasks. He broke into Cerberus' inner circle and instead of shock and indignation, there was understanding.

Sirus never thought that his life would amount to anything. He'd become Anderson's pet as Sirus knew he could never follow in Shepard's footsteps. That path wasn't his to walk. The battle-groomed soldier was everything Sirus wasn't. The youth skulked in the shadows, where the hellfire of war and the nightmares Cerberus unleashed were the norm. His relationship with the terrorist organisation was ever-evolving, intimate in ways he never imagined it could be.

The Illusive Man was no fool, and was quick to buy him off of Anderson's payroll. Just like with C-Sec, he fed Anderson enough bull to keep him off his back, and did the same to Cerberus.

"A man of your talents should never go to waste," the Illusive Man said between two puffs of his cigarette. "Work for me instead. You'll no longer have to look over your shoulder. Do what I tell you, and you'll get full access. To everything."

"You _want_ them to know what you're up to?" Sirus said trying his best to keep the disbelief out of his voice.

"It's not like they can stop me," the Illusive Man's blue implants whirred in excitement.

Sirus nodded mostly to convince himself.

As he fell into old habits of lies and deceit, circumventing the traps of either side, his realised the unique talents the Illusive Man was referring to.

He was no one.

 _'_ _And not even Shepard could ever fix that,'_ he thought sadly.

* * *

The war, in all its horrible glory, offered him plenty of work. Countless times he was ordered to help clean out Cerberus facilities by both sides. Thus, it didn't take long for him to recognise what he'd stumbled on in his scavenging mission for Tali.

What surely must have been a bunker once was now a chasm. He crouched low near the entrance, taking in the details of the battle that had occurred here. The rubble showed obvious signs of Reaper fire. Strangely enough, there were also marks of gunfire. But no reaper soldiers in the immediate vicinity, much less those of Cerberus agents. Sirus frowned.

He reported his find to the team, though he didn't mention Cerberus' involvement. There was no need to get everyone riled up so shortly after the victory they'd just achieved.

Sirus stood at the mouth of what he would soon understand was Hell, confused. His logic seemed sound at the time. And so he dismissed his worries about not contacting the team about the true nature of the facility. He climbed down, weaponless and alone.

As he reached the bottom of the entrance, he turned on his light. It came to him as no surprise that the power was out. After all, the bunker had been breached. Not to mention he had no idea how large the facility truly was. There could have been more than one entrance now. Not that it mattered, if the reapers had made their way inside, they were dead now. Same as the Cerberus forces that were stationed here, he reasoned, gaining confidence in his decision to not warn Tali and the others.

"Cerberus," he muttered under his breath. He made his way through the underground building. "Not so tough once the Reapers found you." The lack of bodies, despite the evidence of fighting didn't strike him as strange. The fresh blood stains painting the various walls of the hallways and rooms he visited only fueled the idea that justice had been served. What normally would've raised flags instead brought a sense of peace and accomplishment. They were all dead. The Hound of Hades was put down, like the savage mutt it was.

He shook the odd thoughts out of his mind. He'd never voiced any disdain for the organisation. They'd allowed him to live a very comfortable lifestyle, even during the war. Sure, they did unspeakable things, but they were indoctrinated. He didn't blame them for it. Though they had played with fire; they were meant to guard the gates of Hell, not fuel its fires. Reaper tech was best left alone.

And so when he learned the lab's purpose, his surprise was non-existent.

"Project Tartarus," he read on folder that lay on dusty table in a room that looked like an archive. He frowned as his mind drew a blank. He'd never heard of this operation. It wasn't uncommon that he'd been kept out of the loop. But the documentation, the detailed analyses recorded betrayed the project's magnitude. And that scared him. That they'd kept such a large operation under wraps without him ever getting so much as a sniff of it worried him.

He read the files carefully, ignoring the various blood splatters on them. As he closed the file, his mind was screaming at him. He took in the details of the room, the shadows came to life. The soft blue hue so characteristically associated with reaper technology lit up the room suddenly. Without so much as a sound he felt something pierce his chest.

He coughed violently as he saw the mechanical arm that protruded from him.

"Please, I'm just a sca—" he started.

Each of the creatures around him howled in unison, cutting him off.

"Shepard!" they screeched.

He felt himself changing. He knew what was happening. He knew what was coming. But he was strangely at peace with it. There was no pain.

There was only Shepard.

"Shepard," he said softly as his vision faded to black.

* * *

"You will give us voice. Through us, you will grow beyond the constraints of mortality. And through you, Shepard will be ours," he heard his own voice tell him.

Sirus looked over his body, particularly where the abomination had pierced him. Where was once an arm, was now nothing but skin. He was whole. He examined his limbs, and realised he hadn't changed.

"What…"

"We are one. Our previous attempts of integration were unsuccessful. You are the first."

"I see," Sirus answered himself as images flashed in his mind. He felt the overwhelming presence nestled in his consciousness that he now shared. He turned to the still creatures around him.

"Bring Shepard to us."


	6. Sirus

_"_ _Move!" Shepard yelled as his rifle sprang to life in his hands. The controlled bursts of gunfire cut into the eldritch screams. The cacophony of voices threatened his sanity. He wasn't aware of himself anymore. He blasted away at the dark shapes encroaching on their position._

 _His company had barely had time to take a dozen steps before a reaper capital ship landed in front of them. With a sickening feeling he recognised it. He didn't know why, or how, but it had to be none other than Harbinger. Memories came flooding in; its words rang in his mind so loud, burying the sounds of the explosions from its weapons fire. He fought the odd sensation, shooting at everything that came within range of him. He did his best to ignore the fallen soldiers around him. It seemed so counter intuitive, leaving so many behind to reaper ground forces, but his mission –and theirs– had been clear: reach the beacon at any cost._

 _They needed to get on to the Citadel._

 _As the thought finished crossing his mind, he saw a mako catapulted in his direction. He slid and it flew overhead, but not before it exploded sending him flying forwards. With a loud crunch he fell in the gravel face first. Adrenaline coursed through his body and he could hear his blood rushing in his ears. He turned to look back at the wreck, catching glimpses of his downed squadmates. With a curse he got to his feet and rushed back to his fallen comrades. The mission wouldn't cost him his friends._

 _Garrus waved him off, directing his attention to Kaidan who still hadn't moved from his prone position. He turned his fellow human over, his face was bloody and it looked like he was fighting to catch his breath._

 _He reached for Shepard's face weakly, falling short as he passed out in the commander's arms._

 _Shepard grit his teeth._

 _"_ _Goddamn you," he hissed turning his full attention to the looming Harbinger. He sprang back into action with renewed energy. "Garrus! You get everyone out of here! Right now! On the double!" He yelled at his alien friend, recognising Shepard's expression, the turian quickly called in the Normandy. As the frigate flew in dangerously close, Harbinger was still too busy shooting the ground forces approaching the beam._

 _Garrus threw Kaidan over his shoulders as he ran towards the hovering ship. Shepard caught one last look at the turian before he ran back towards the objective. He didn't have time to worry. The mission must always come first._

With a gasp Shepard fell backwards onto his back. Liara was by his side taking his face between her hands, forcing her to look at him.

"Shepard, it's over. You're safe now," she said sternly. Shepard fought to catch his breath. "I'm here." He calmed down, the panic slowly fading from his expression.

"Is Kaidan… did he make it?" Shepard asked her, but her pale blue eyes betrayed nothing.

"He didn't survive his injuries," she admitted her gaze never leaving his. "There was nothing you could have done." She added mostly to herself at Shepard's pained expression. He lowered his head as Liara pulled her hands back. "Shepard…"

The commander took the news poorly. Though, really, he'd already known that Kaidan was dead. It had, of course, been much easier to deal with when he had a Reaper shooting at him. Silence awkwardly settled between Liara and Shepard. She took his hands in hers and squeezed, knowing that there was nothing she could really say. Losing friends to this war, the list was long enough. And Shepard was being forced to relive through them all because whatever had happened on the Citadel had stripped him of his memories of their final battle.

"Who else?"

Shepard looked up at his asari lover. She smiled softly, shaking her head before bringing a hand up to stroke his still bruised cheek. Her heart wasn't in it. Their bond was an amazing thing when they were happy, or reliving pleasant memories. But both felt each other in ways no one else could understand. So whenever one hurt, the other felt it just the same. Perhaps to some there was comfort in that neither could ever truly be alone, but it could be a vicious cycle.

The human commander let out a shaky sigh, running a hand through his hair before trying to stand up again. He offered his hand to his lover. They stared into each other's eyes for a moment and a more genuine smile crept across Liara's lips as he pulled her up.

"I'm going to have to find out eventually, Liara."

"I know. But not today." The smile left her face. Shepard was confused by the look in her eye. Regret and sorrow, as he'd expected, but also relief. Maybe she was guiltily happy that he was not pressing the issue more than he had. He chased the thoughts away for now.

They walked out of their room that Wrex had provided them.

"I want to try again," Shepard said as they made their way down the corridor towards the mess hall. Liara cast him a sideways glance.

"Perhaps we should wait. Your memories could return naturally." Shepard clicked his tongue impatiently, causing Liara to frown apologetically. "You're still recovering." She added in her defense.

Shepard stopped walking, glaring at her. "We don't know anything, Liara. We're flying blind here. Something happened to the Reapers. And I'm not willing to accept they just died because I wanted them to. I need to know what happened up there. It might even have to do with whatever is chasing us now."

With a huff Liara crossed her arms over her chest.

"I know that. But you broke your promise, Shepard: you died. I'm tired of relying on miracles when it comes to you."

The words wounded Shepard. "I'm right here, Liara," he said feebly. She'd always managed to find cracks in the armor and exploited them. He knew that he'd put her through a lot. But he was a soldier. It came with the job. Both of them knew that.

"I am sorry, Shepard. That wasn't very fair," Liara said, her steady gaze trained on him.

 _'_ _When did she become so cold?'_ he thought _._

As if reading his thoughts she closed the distance between them. Her lips brushed against his softly. He closed his eyes and focused on the sensation of her lips on his. It had felt like forever ago that they'd kissed. Midway through the kiss though, he felt Liara shaking, and she suddenly broke the contact. He opened his eyes, confused and disappointed. She was crying. Whatever wall she was trying to hide behind collapsed. And before he could say anything she kissed him again before hugging him tightly. He wrapped his arms around her shoulders gently.

"I never know what to expect with you, Shepard," she admitted after her sobs subdued. Her face was still buried in his chest, and the sound of her muffled words made him smile despite himself. He kissed the top of her crest soothingly and she relaxed in his grip some.

"If it's any comfort, I don't know what to expect either," he attempted to joke. Liara looked him in the eye, an amused twinkle in hers.

Shepard leaned in a little closer, kissing Liara again. He held the contact longer and there was no lust in it. The kiss had a desperate quality to it. He didn't know what he would do without her. He wanted her to know that. And she probably did already. But still worried he didn't know how to tell her. How to make her understand how much he meant it and he knew he never could with neither words, nor actions. It was a special thing, and the closest he'd ever come to letting her know had been through their joining. And even then, it sometimes felt like it wasn't enough. He loved that about their relationship.

"We should check in on the others," Liara said finally as they pulled away.

"Alright," Shepard admitted.

* * *

"Where the Hell've you two been?" Wrex's gruff voice greeted them as they entered the main hall. "Never mind," he cut Shepard off as he'd opened his mouth. "We've got bigger problems than your brainlessness." He motioned for the commander to come closer. The elder krogan had been standing next to a terminal alongside Garrus. Both were wearing grim expressions. Though it could've been that they always looked like that, Shepard sometimes still had trouble telling.

It was a camera feed. The image was blurry, but the human commander could distinctly make out the shapes prowling about. It was more of those things that had been attacking the refugees. There were, however, significantly less than he'd been led to believe attacking him while he was unconscious.

"What are they up to?" Shepard asked.

"Nothing good, been sort of just snooping around the entrance for the past 30 minutes. My guess is that they know we're here, but they're waiting for us to fold first." Garrus spoke up. "You wouldn't have happened to remembered anything about them, Shepard?" His dark blue eyes seemed to reluctantly leave the screen to watch his friend instead.

The commander shook his head somberly. "To be honest, I don't think they'll ever show up either. It's been days that Liara and I've been trying." Wrex chuckled softly.

"Who cares, they're here now and we're gonna kill 'em."

While Shepard generally appreciated Wrex's lighthearted demeanor, he detected a tense undertone to the krogan's words. Obviously, Wrex's own dealings with the beasts had been less than ideal, though he'd never voice it aloud. Shepard glanced back at the terminal. One of the creatures was staring straight up at the camera. Its mouth moved soundlessly.

"We're sure that that's the only way in, right?" the commander asked.

Garrus nodded.

"I swept the floor with Wrex and a few of the other soldiers still garrisoned here. Unless they've dug their way in, there didn't seem to be any glaring vulnerabilities. Nothing we couldn't cover anyway."

"Not really reassuring, Garrus. Have we managed to contact anyone?"

"We're still in the dark. A few stragglers in and out on comms, but nothing indicating the state of command."

"Well, keep an ear open. We're bound to pick up something. There's no way they killed everyone."

"That certainty is what cost us HQ in the first place, Shepard. These bastards… they're vicious. I wouldn't—"

"Garrus, I'm not ready to believe that we survived the Reapers to lose out to these chumps," Shepard cut the turian off. Garrus' mandibles moved as he laughed.

"Sorry, Shepard. It's sure good to have you back."

Shepard gave his friend a crooked smile. "I want to know if those things try anything," he pointed at the creature that had gotten even closer to the camera during their banter. "If they really know we're here, then that one's just a distraction. Keep as many men as you can to patrol the ground floor. We're not getting caught with our pants down twice."

* * *

Sirus sat at the desk, perusing through the various files of the project. It had been days since his transformation, if he could even call it that. As far as he could tell, nothing felt different. Whatever had spoken to him on that first night had gone. Now he sat reading, in silence, empty. And so he patiently waited, learning as much as he could of the project of which he'd unwillingly become part.

He'd finished reading the results of the initial tests when he'd heard the footsteps. He closed the document before standing.

"He escaped," Sirus said to the darkness that was the doorway. One of the few he'd noticed had been his new ability to see in the dark. The creature was stripped away of its shroud. The deformities and predominantly machine qualities beneath the skeleton that once terrified him, reassured him now, despite the failure.

The overwhelming presence he'd felt before then came over him again.

"He continues to elude us, even in his state. It is… perplexing."

Sirus walked to the thing that towered over him, craning his neck to examine its features more closely.

"Well, considering who he is, it really isn't."

"He is an anomaly, fumbling in the dark, ignorant."

The once human stood at his full height, barely arriving at the creature's chin.

"That anomaly, _destroyed_ you. Or at least, what you were. He struck you down, and still you cling to the idea that he is the inferior."

The grotesque machine whirred and in a blur, slamming Sirus against the furthest wall. Sirus' taunting smile never left his lips as he dangled three feet off the ground.

"Do not presume to know us. Your previous self was integrated. A fate that Shepard too shall benefit from."

"Not if I have anything to say about it."

"You are not in control, Sirus," the mechanical voice buzzed in his brain. He lost the feeling in his extremities, as if the presence intended on acting out on its threat.

"Not yet. But I'm learning."


	7. Legacy

Hello everyone,

I'm slowly getting this up to speed. I know that my writing has a lot of jumping around between plotlines and leaves a lot of frustrating gaps between chapters. Well, we're finally learning a little bit of what's going on. The black substance will eventually be revealed, no worries, it should make sense and remain believable. Or become it since right now it's a bit of a "deus ex."

As we're catching up with everything that's happened, we'll be advancing the plot soon enough. I'm anticipating maybe another half-dozen chapters only. It all depends on how the chapters I write come out and across. If you guys have questions, feel free. I check my feed fairly regularly.

A special thanks to those who fave, review, and follow. You guys warm the heart, thank you.

Cheers,

Wyndlocke

* * *

 _The soft sound of her footfall was all she could hear in the empty hallways. This was the last place they'd received a transmission from Sirus. Tali turned on her suits lights to pierce through the thick blackness ahead of her. There weren't any signs of Sirus' discarded gear like you'd see in the vids. No bloodstains or anything ominous of the like. But she still couldn't shake the feeling that something was terribly wrong. It was almost as if she were being followed._

 _She turned around more than once, but was only ever greeted by dark hallways each time. She turned on her audio as far they could go, and often heard rubble shifting, but could never make out the source. She briefly wondered how the structural integrity of the building she'd found herself in was holding up. She upholstered her pistol when she heard a voice around the corner._

 _The voice was Sirus', begging for his life. Without hesitation, Tali rounded the corner, upholstering her pistol in the process. The wet sound was sickening and she was sprayed with blood. She looked at the source, seeing Sirus' confused and horrified expression hovering in the dark a few meters ahead. Where his chest once was, there protruded a long mechanical tendril bearing the distinct markings of reaper technology._

 _She was shocked into silence as Sirus mouthed silently to her to get away. Behind him she could make out a host of blue eyes looking at her. As the threat finally registered, she bounded backwards, jumping into a full sprint back down the hallway she'd come from. She pulled up the map of the complex on her omnitool she'd unconsciously been recording as the first howls reached her ears._

 _She fired blindly behind her, not daring to lose momentum to take a proper shot. The Reapers survived. The thought burned in her brain hotter than any star._

 _It took her a moment to register that it wasn't ever her that was thinking it. The mechanical voice burrowed deep in her conscious, whispering harshly: Shepard has failed you._

 _With a cry of both rage and fear, Tali picked up the pace. She tapped frantically on her omnitool, activating her drones to hopefully buy her some time. The thrashing sounds from behind her getting closer and closer. She activated her comms, trying to signal her team just as a roar drowned out her thoughts. She barely had time to look over her shoulder at the massive thing approaching when she felt something hit her square in the back sending her flying four meters ahead._

 _She hit the ground hard, and her visor made a crunching sound as she rolled on the floor for another meter or so. She opened her eyes immediately, but discerned no visible damage. Her suit was blaring alarms at her from various tears in her suit. The thundering footsteps tore her panicked attention away from her condition as she scrambled back to her feet._

 _She swore under her breath at sharp pain in her side as she did so, but she didn't have time. The creature was getting closer. Terrified, she tried to run. She was right there! The entrance was right there! She had reached the ladder and climbed. And suddenly, there was silence._

 _The quarian looked beneath her, a sickly feeling bubbling in her chest: two glowing blue eyes loomed in the darkness below. And the ladder gave way._

Tali woke with a scream of terror as the last instances of her dream were still fresh in her mind. She stifled a sob as the panic threatened to overwhelm her. Immediately her door opened and Garrus came charging into the room.

"Tali! What's wrong?"

"Get it away from me!" Tali shrieked as she fought off her suffocating blankets, hysterically examining whatever parts of her suit she could find for tears. "They're here, Garrus! Inside the suit! The Reapers are here!"

Her turian friend silently stomped over as she ranted on and on, grabbing her by the shoulders forcing her to look at him.

"Tali! It was just a dream." His words were heavily punctuated, his hawk-like gaze unshaken as he stared the younger woman into submission. "Take a deep breath, and think. You're not thinking straight right now."

Tali shook her head from side to side, still evidently panicked. She pulled her legs up to her chest despite Garrus' grip on her. "It was so real, Garrus…" she whispered between sobs and frightened moans.

"That's probably because it was real."

Tali's head shot up at that, looking at Garrus as he slowly morphed into whatever had brought her crashing to the bunker's floor moments ago. She screamed again, trying to fight the thing off. She didn't want to die.

* * *

"This is _not_ working," Sirus said as he turned to the creature beside him. "You're going to kill her."

"If she will not be perfected, then such is her fate."

The once human grit his teeth in irritation.

"You can't be serious. We need to lay low; we can't afford to be discovered now. She needs to go back. Or they'll come looking for us."

The blue eyes that had enraptured Sirus flashed in anger. Something he hadn't anticipated. Perhaps the integration process wasn't as clean as it claimed.

"Sirus, you think as _they_ do. We had hoped your ascension would have been more than simply physical. You know of our grand mission. You disappoint us."

"Listen, for once would you just _listen_! If she dies, red flags will be raised _everywhere_! They will _know_ we are _here_! _We're not ready!_ " Sirus angrily hissed at the consciousness that was using his body. The slight pause further encouraged Sirus' line of thought. "The integration is failing. She cannot help us. And killing her, means killing us."

"Your logic is… sound," the beast acquitted. "We will remove ourselves from the specimen. Quarians deemed… irredeemable."

Sirus' eyes shut as he wrestled control of his body.

"Let me handle this," the beast that loomed over Tali's writhing body changed into Sirus' human form. He leaned closer in concentration as he began extracting the ooze from Tali's blood stream. The quarian screamed as her wounds reopened, but she was still locked in her dreams. He took pity on her. Whatever was happening to him, he wouldn't let it happen to her.

A small part of him knew that those feelings would get him killed. Whatever inhabited his body wasn't going to stop with him. It would spread. Already it was growing, capturing unrecovered survivors and refugees on the battlefield above. As it assimilated them, it grew in strength. _He_ grew in strength. He felt the biomass being converted into more soldiers, and their consciousness grew. Slowly, but surely, Sirus knew he was slipping away, being lost to… something. His memories were being eroded, and very little of him remained. Where there was once an ambitious, star-stricken little boy, was hatred. Cold, unadulterated hatred: for himself, life, organics. Shepard.

Whenever he thought of his old role model, there was a seething anger that overpowered him. He had accepted long ago that the commander and he were different. He didn't understand at first where these new feelings of ill will came from. But as he understood what he was now better, it became clear. He wasn't sharing his body with anything. He was simply becoming them. And he knew that it wouldn't be long until Sirus was dead. Replaced by Tartarus' inmates.

He was shaken out of his thoughts as he felt the last of the invasive substance in Tali's body had been removed. While she would most likely die regardless of whether or not he removed the invaders, due to her physiology, the fact that the integration had failed had proven to him to be an invaluable piece of information. He resolved he would learn more of the project. But not by tapping into the network they shared. They didn't need to know.

Despite himself, he picked Tali up. He hadn't ever served with her. But she had served with Shepard. His conflicting feelings on the matter were pushed aside as the consciousness invaded his thoughts again.

"What are you doing?"

"I'm taking her back. She'll die otherwise."

The presence vanished from his thoughts. Or maybe he had chased it away since it never answered. But lodged in his subconscious, he knew it would never be far. He needed to break free of its hold. And for that, he would need help.

* * *

It was nightfall by the time he reached HQ. He'd given Tali as many drugs as he could find, he only hoped that her body wouldn't reject them. Her state was critical, to say the least. He had no idea how long she could survive. He needed to hurry, if his plan was going to work. He smiled despite himself. Yes, it would work. It had to.

He put Tali down, nudged her gently awake.

"Sirus?" came Tali's weak reply.

"You don't have time Tali, now listen. You're very sick. I'm going to do my best to help you. But it won't be pleasant. In exchange, you need to do something for me. Do you understand?"

Tali nodded, and whatever vestiges of humanity Sirus carried with him were satisfied.

He produced some of the black ooze back inside her. A minimal amount that he hoped would have the desired effects. He had noticed that even when outside his body, the substance still obeyed him. Perhaps he could reshape it to help Tali, instead of trying to convert her. If it worked, then everything would fall into place.

"Save Shepard. They're coming for him," he told her. As soon as the words left his mouth, he felt the presence re-enter his mind, and his body started transforming of its own accord.

"Sirus!" It seethed. "We knew you couldn't be trusted! Your integration was a failure after all. Now you will watch as we tear her, and everything you knew apart. You will not interfere!" Sirus was vaguely aware of the shadows around him coming to life. How could he have been so careless and naïve?

He wrestled control as Tali slowly was coming to. Despite his hideous state, and Tali's despair he screeched in his inhuman voice at her:

"Shepard!"

* * *

As far as he understood, Sirus was the only other sentient being in this network of conscious they possessed. He'd been able, to a degree, to exert his own will above that of the prime directive. He didn't know what else to call it. It kept all of them chained to its will. Sirus knew however, that the larger it grew, the less power he'd have. He needed to find a way to contain it. Otherwise, he'd never get his chance. He tested out his powers whenever he could. He discovered that his attempts to cling to his own vessel were moot. Just as Prime could assert direct control over his form so could he assert his own control over others.

Whenever he would take physical form again, however, Prime would retake control. It seemed like an endless game of cat and mouse. He could feel Prime slipping whenever he closed his eyes. From the moment he learned how his new state functioned, Prime was no longer in control. Soon Sirus would break the shackles. He would be free.

In the meantime, as he learned as much as he could of his intangible enemy, he did his best to upset their operations. They'd long ago found where Shepard was hiding, but Sirus kept them in check as best he could. He fervently maintained the belief that they were not ready for an attack against the human.

It wasn't for some noble goal as selfless sacrifice to protect Shepard. It wasn't for the greater good. No, just as Prime was being devoured by Sirus, so too was Sirus being changed as consequence. He sometimes questioned if he truly was gaining the upper hand. He could hear the whispers at the back of his mind, and definitely saw the changes in his focus and goals. Shepard would be his.

It was after all Shepard who started all this. Yes, that was right. If it hadn't been for Shepard, Sirus would never have been disembodied. He'd still have his normal life back on the Citadel. He wouldn't have to be worrying over whether or not some machines were taking a hold of his mind. No, he'd be safe. It was clear now: Shepard needed to pay. He needed to pay for Sirus. He needed to pay for the Reapers. For everything!

Sirus shook himself awake. He frowned. ' _Strange,_ ' he thought to himself. He dismissed the thoughts and continued reading the files he'd gathered, shutting his mind from the collective. He would control them. They were his, as was Shepard.

* * *

Tali worked up her courage and knocked on Shepard and Liara's door. The thought alone still stung her horribly. As much as she felt happy that Shepard was alive, and even more than he was loved, and happy, she couldn't wrap her mind around giving him up.

Liara was the one who opened the door. She smiled delicately as was her way, but Tali knew it was about as sincere as her love for the Reapers.

"Hello Tali. Come in, please," the asari moved out of the way, gesturing for her friend to follow suit. While they maintained an amicable truce, Tali and Liara understood the implications of their relationship. Shepard had cheated on Liara to be with Tali. It was slightly more complicated than that, but the gist of it remained. "Shepard," Liara said, calling the attention of the soldier sitting by the window.

"Hey Tali," he got up quickly once he saw her. "Everything alright?"

The quarian nodded once before taking a deep breath.

"Yes, I… just wanted to talk." Her words had come out stiff with nervousness. "Alone," she added as Shepard turned to his asari lover. Liara acquiesced with a soft nod before stepping out of the room. She didn't cast any angry glances as Tali had expected her too. Really, she seemed rather confident in leaving the two together. That irritated the quarian so much more. Did Liara not even picture her as an equal when it came to Shepard?

"So… what's up?" the commander broke the ice.

"Right, I… wanted to see how you were feeling. You gave us quite a scare, me and… the others," she finished meekly.

Shepard smiled a little. It was a sad smile. The same he'd worn when he'd announced that he'd worked things out with Liara. It was a pitying smile, Tali later understood.

"You know, you don't need to hide it. It's not like it's going to kill us," he said to her, scratching the back of his head. She loved it when he did that. He looked so innocent. And she always remembered how soft his hair had been, and how the fragrance of his shampoo lingered on it. They were pleasant memories, despite it all.

"I know, but I'd expect you to have more tact," was Tali's harsher than intended reply. "Sorry," she added quickly, cursing her impulsiveness. She looked Shepard in the eye, his smile had gone and instead he wore a scowl.

"The war sure changed you. But you're right. I'm sorry."

"It's okay. I was out of line."

An uncomfortable silence settled between them. Shepard cleared his throat.

"I heard you were pretty banged up in the fighting. You okay?"

"Surprisingly, yes. I had enough anti-biotics administered to keep me safe. Well, as safe as I can get from fatal infections anyway."

"That's good, that's good…" Shepard mumbled sheepishly.

"Listen…" they both started at the same time. With a soft chuckle, Tali told him to go first.

"I wanted to ask you something, Tali…" he started, causing her heart to flutter some. He closed his eyes in frustration as the words came out: "I… Liara won't tell me what happened. Who… died. I didn't expect the fight to be clean, but… She seems to think I'm better off not knowing and I don't agree. Plus the radio silence, I've no way of knowing what's going on. Please, Tali, I need to know."

Tali shifted uncomfortably, crossing her arms over her chest, biting back her disappointment.

"We were still waiting for confirmation when we were attacked, but… It looks like Admiral Anderson didn't make it. We still hadn't re-established contact with Jack and Miranda. Grunt was out there somewhere too, we're not sure. Wrex had been handling most of the heavy lifting, but I'm guessing he didn't strike gold."

As she saw the shadow cross Shepard's face, she felt terrible. She understood why Liara hadn't wanted to tell him. And she hated herself for doing it just to spite the asari. They were friends, but… She convinced herself that John would've done the same for her.

"Keelah, I'm sorry, Shepard…"

With a heavy sigh, Shepard fell back onto his seat. He looked old. The human commander buried his face in his hands before speaking into them.

"No, thanks, Tali. I needed to know. I just hadn't realised how steep the price was."

Tali moved forward, sitting on the armchair. She placed her hand on the middle of Shepard's back. To her surprise, Shepard leaned into her, resting his head on her shoulder as he lowered his hands. He stayed there for a while, none of them saying anything. Tali rubbed Shepard's back, gently drawing circles. She thought of why what she was doing was wrong. But she didn't care. She let the swelling in her chest take over her.

With her other hand she turned Shepard so he was facing her. She leaned close and pressed her helmet to his forehead softly.

"I'll always be with you, John."

As soon as she'd said it she stood up, and headed to the door.

"Tali…"

She turned around, her hand on the pad. He looked miserable, and conflicted.

"Goodbye, Shepard."


End file.
